


Definitely Not Thinking of You

by lexiesdilemmas



Series: Spenlex Ficlets [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV), Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M, i've never written a 1k word fic before i hope levi loves me, it's 1am why am i writing this, lexie misses her boyfriend, long distance, that's all this fic is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 01:31:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11910420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lexiesdilemmas/pseuds/lexiesdilemmas
Summary: It's four am, and I can't sleep, and I'm definitely not thinking of you.





	Definitely Not Thinking of You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [leviathanchronicles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leviathanchronicles/gifts).



> Okay, this was definitely inspired by the song "Valentine" as sung by Meghann Fahy. However, instead of doing some sad breakup bs, I just used it to make Lexie miss Spencer as he's on a case. Really, this whole fic is just her reflecting on some happy memories and being very heterosexual.

It’s four am, and Lexie Grey can’t sleep.

 

She’s wide awake, staring at the moonlit ceiling in defeat. The clock on the bedside table reads 4:00 am, and _god_ , she’s so lucky she doesn’t have to work today. It’s bad enough that she can’t sleep, but it would be worse if she was expected to be in surgery and showed up with shaking hands and tired eyes. That isn’t to say, however, that she’s never pulled an all-nighter before. There were plenty of college nights where she stayed up scanning her eyes over a textbook, soaking the information into a brain that never forgot a word, making sure it would be impossible to fail her midterms. And then there were the more _recent_ ones, ones where Spencer ended up on the other side of the country, time zones and time zones away, and she _maybe_ lied about sleeping and _maybe_  just gave up sleep in order to be around when he got a moment away from a case that he could use to slip away from the team and call her.

 

Funny enough, he’s the reason she can’t sleep now.

 

She’s tried everything: closing her eyes, counting her sheep, but nothing leads to actually sleeping. She can’t get her heart to stop beating wildly, she doesn't find herself tired, she can’t stop thinking about him. And it’s stupid, really, he hasn’t even been _gone_ that long. Five days at most this time. But it’s enough that his side of the bed has stopped smelling like him, distinctly warm and boyish. His side of the bed is still neatly made and unslept in; her side is the opposite of his, sheets tossed around her legs from her many attempts to find some position that might allow her to _actually_ rest. But rest just doesn’t seem to be in the cards for Lexie Grey on this particular night.  
  
Another glance at the clock on the bedside table tells her it’s now 4:15am, and she’s still no closer to finding sleep. In place of continuing to try, she settles for filling her mind with good memories of him, rather than the possibilities of what could possibly be happening _to_ him. There’s a particular memory she’s fond of, a day when she’d put on _Law & Order_ when they’d decided to just eat in. He’d seemed nearly offended by the things the show managed to get wrong for the sake of, as he said, _"dramatic and unrealistic life events"_. Every other minute, he was making a comment about their incorrect statistics, or how things were incorrectly handled. It had her giggling softly, stifling it with her hand as the corners of her eyes creased in a smile. Somehow, without trying, he always makes her smile. And as Spencer continues to criticize the methods of the characters on the show, Lexie supplies guesses of how each episode will end, and she’s somehow always wrong. _They both agree that it’s great she’s a surgeon, and not a detective._

 

It’s strange to her now, how she’s still not comfortable to be alone. Even after college, she’d moved in with Meredith, in a house with three other people. She’s never _truly_ lived alone for a long period of time, and she finds herself needing the comfort of another person around. It’s childish, she tells herself, but she simply can’t shake the feeling of a piece of her being _missing_ when he’s not around. There’s no one around to banter with her, no one there to calm her down when anxiety elevates her heart rate to unnatural levels, no one there to hold her hand as they both sleep. Her life simply feels emptier than it should be.

 

With a gentle sigh, Lexie lifts herself up, putting her legs over the edge of the bed to look out the window. The moon is hidden beneath a layer of clouds, darkening the room even further. If he was here, it would be different. At least one light would be on, maybe the bathroom light with the door cracked open. Now, the room is dark and cold and empty. There’s no way she’s sleeping in here tonight. She stands and makes her way to the bathroom, going to brush her teeth. Might as well start her day here, then. There’s a distinct lack of a lazy morning person in the room over, hair an adorably wild mess as he jokingly asks her to come back to bed _. “I can’t, Spence. Sun’s up, surgery’s in two hours. Get up and movin’!”_ and he’d groan, but eventually go to make coffee while she takes a shower, greeting her with a cup altered to her specific tastes when she comes out. It’s the small things like that she really appreciates when he’s gone. Someone who knows her so closely that he knows the way she drinks her coffee, the way she hates apples and can never sleep without sending a text to her dad first. And while she’s thinking about the mornings where she does get up, she can’t help but think of the others. The one where rain patters against the windows and she just lets her alarm go and go, the gentle ringing drifting from it’s speakers telling her to get up, but his arms wrapped around her waist telling her to stay here, right here.

 

It’s so strange that one day he’s here, and the next, he’s a thousand miles away.

  
She leaves the bathroom and, cliche as it is, throws on one of his shirts before she goes out of the bedroom. There’s phantom sightings of him all over this apartment. When she goes to the kitchen to pour herself a bowl of cereal, she can only remember mornings where she’d made him sit on the couch while she did the same for him, not letting him do it himself with a heavy cast on his leg. _Doctors orders._ The space where he should be is so deep, and she has to remember that this isn’t like other times. This isn’t a breakup, this isn’t her mother, this is just a normal work trip. Or, a very dangerous work trip. But Lexie doesn’t need to think about that part and have an anxiety attack this early in the morning.   
  
Sitting herself down on the couch and flipping the TV on, she sits and eats her breakfast for countless minutes, maybe hours, watching as the sun rises in the window. Time passes and as she’s watching stupid infomercials mindlessly, her phone vibrates in her lap. A glance down and she sees the contact ID picture, one of her kissing his cheek as he smiles that goofy smile into the camera. With a soft, tired smile, she mutes the TV and picks her phone up, leaning her head onto the back of the couch as she answers the call. “Good morning, sunshine.”


End file.
